After Theo Walcott scored his 10th goal of the season against Stoke last week, the focus was naturally on the 3-1 victory and Walcott’s 100th in league football. However, alongside the celebrations and congratulations, news filtered out that his goal on Saturday meant his wife must follow through on her promise to buy him a new coffee machine.

“Time to get the coffee machine my wife promised me!” he said after the match. “I've got my 10 for the season at the moment - I want to make it much, much more.”

Now, considering he’s an extremely well paid sportsman, he can probably afford any machine he wants. However, not all coffee makers are created equal. Here are five he might have his eye on if he really wants to impress his fellow football-playing coffee snobs:

1. Bonavita BV1900TS 8-cup brewer


A nice budget option. Recognised by the SCA as part of its Certified Home Brewer Program, the Bonavita BV1900TS (rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?) is probably one of the most reliable automated drip coffee makers you can buy for the price. With a pre-infusion setting and simplicity of use, Theo doesn’t need to be a qualified barista to brew a quality cup of coffee.

However, if he feels like learning…

2. Slayer Single Group


Coming in at a piffling $7,999 (£6,442), the one group Slayer is a thing of true beauty. With Peruvian walnut levers and handles, and touchscreen temperature and flavour profile control, it’s the budding barista’s dream. Control each shot manually, or preset your recipe in and let the Slayer do the work. Might take some getting used to for Theo (or he might want to hire his own personal barista), but when on form this gorgeous machine produces espresso of the highest quality.

3. Astra 2000 Automatic coffee machine


If he doesn’t feel like putting in all that effort, there’s always the Astra 2000. Costing $12,500 (£10,061) (yikes) this apparatus takes almost no thought whatsoever. With a grinder included in the body and a steam wand that turns off when the milk reaches a preferred temperature, this is a coffee maker for wannabe baristas who don’t have the time or inclination to actually learn how to make coffee. Perfect for a man who has other priorities. Like scoring goals.

4. Oxx Coffeeboxx


If he wants to take his coffee on the go, whether to the training ground or on the team bus to the next away trip, the Oxx Coffeeboxx could be just the thing. A beast of a thing, designed to look like one of those gaudy off-road 4x4s you see driving slowly around supermarket car parks, the Coffeeboxx claims to be crush proof, impact resistant and spill proof, so it will stand up to being taken out by a wayward clearance by Petr Cech in training. It’s a pod brewer, so Theo might want to take a look at Colonna Coffee’s capsules if he wants to drink good coffee while he’s on the go.

5. Ratio Eight


A luxury approach to specialty coffee in the home, the Ratio Eight has been around in various iterations since 2013. Manufactured in Portland, Oregon, it is sleek and well built, with automatic precision brewing designed to get the best out of every coffee. At around £370 it isn’t cheap, but the sophisticated styling and the promise of top quality coffee at the touch of a button, Theo could do worse than add this machine to his kitchen.

Of course there are hundreds, if not thousands, of coffee machines out there and who knows which one Mr and Mrs Walcott have decided to purchase. But at the very least, living in London as they do, there’s no excuse for not buying high quality beans.

(Thanks to The Arseblog for permission to use that amazing photo up top)

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